The Ballad of Tallahassee Don

Written by: Martin Zellar
They Even Use the Hooves... (odds & ends 1991-2003)
The Ballad of Tallahassee Don (unreleased demo)


Breaker 1-9 good buddies
This here’s Tallahassee Don
I know it’s late, but I’m wondering if
Any y’all still got your ears on

I pulled off the road about an hour back
To try to get some rest
But there’s some things been bothering me
I just need to get ‘em off my chest

I realize that I’m no saint
And I’m not a pretty man
I’m as the good Lord made me
And I do the best I can

My hemorrhoids is awful
And I’m grossly overweight
But I do love all God’s creatures
It’s just them foreign folks I hate

I guess I wouldn’t mind ‘em
If they’d just stay where they belong
Especially all them Mexicans
And them sneaky Viet Cong

I do my best to do what’s right
To live a Christian life
And I ain’t never harmed a soul
Except my second wife

Yes, Jesus is my savior
Through him I’ve been reborn
Still, my third wife up and left me
When she found my stash of porn

It was steamy man/man action
Oily, hot, hardcore
But ain’t gay or nothin’
I’ve been married twice before

I want to thank y’all for listening
I guess I’m just about done
Oh, and if anyone wants a blow job
I’m pulled off of exit one
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